why do you have to break my heart again?

why am i going to let you try?


i was so hopeful. and it brought me back to reality. it was an honestly stupid idea. mmm. people don't meet people and suddenly propose. i need to breathe for a little while.
i'm not going to be answering my phone for the next few days. so, to whoever calls, i'm sorry. but i need to think for a while.
i think that i just kind of need to maybe be alone. my heart feels too weird and my brain feels too. hmm. spacey i guess.

i was on the top of a cliff and i took a free fall and now i'm stuck on the ground. i hate being hopeful. i tell myself i will never open myself up like that again and yet i do every time. and it fucks me over again and again. why do i make myself vulnerable when those are the times i get hurt the most? it isn't worth it anymore. i let my heart out in the open for two moments and it shattered. i'm hiding now. i need to recover. i need to piece back together what i thought was going to be my future.

plans are made to be broken, my brother told me.

i don't understand why i do this to myself.

i bought a ticket on a plane.
and by the time it landed,
you were gone again.

-james.